Being early, fast, or quick is definitely impressive in most areas in life, like reading or running…but not in sex. In fact, if you’ve ever had sex with a guy who finishes too quickly, you know how much of a bummer it can be for both of you. Sadly, it’s also extremely common, according to a new survey by Promescent, maker of the first FDA-approved treatment spray for premature ejaculation.
Researchers at Promescent surveyed 502 men and women between the ages of 18 and 60 (most were in the 30-44 age range) for two surveys about sex. The men answered questions like, “Are you able to help your partner achieve climax?” and “Do you feel pornography affects your sex life personally?” The women answered questions like, “Are you able to achieve orgasm every time you have sex?” and “Does your partner ever reach climax after having sex for only five minutes?”
The results weren’t exactly uplifting. More than half of the women surveyed reported that their partners reach climax within five minutes, and 23 percent said they finished in just two minutes. It wouldn’t be so bad if we were just as fast, but the fact is, we take a little bit more time to get things going. In fact, only 22 percent of the women surveyed said they were able to orgasm every time they had sex.
But luckily there are a few things you can do to help your guy hold out so you can both reach the finish line:
1. Suggest a Pregame
We know it sounds crazy but, before you meet up, tell your partner how hot it would be for him to masturbate to the thought of what you’ll be doing later on, says Emily Morse, Ph.D., host of Sex With Emily and co-founder of Emily & Tony. Why should he please himself without you? Morse explains that not only will it get him in the mood, but if he masturbates not long before he sees you, it can help him last longer when you’re together (as long as you know he’s not the kind of guy who can only go once a day). Just make sure he doesn’t have a solo session right before you get there, since he may need some time to recover for round two—a few hours should do the trick.
2. Let Him Watch You
Before having sex, make masturbation part of your foreplay. “Tell him you want him to watch you touch yourself, he will love it,” Morse promises. Plus it will help you get a head start and close the orgasm gap so that you’re both on the same page once you’re having sex.
3. Take Charge
“Most men are not eager to seek help when it comes to matters of their penis,” says Morse. “Perhaps he thinks it’s too embarrassing or shameful to talk to his doctor or his partner, leaving you scrambling to find solutions.” That’s why Morse suggests taking some of the initiative in this scenario. Start by suggesting moves like girl on top, which will help you control the pace (and slow it down if he’s getting too close). Or you can pick up some condoms or analgesic sprays like Promescent to help him last longer, says Morse. It’ll show him that you support him and want to help, and it’ll take some of the burden off of him.
4. Press Pause
When you’re having sex and want to help him last a little longer, ask him to pause. “When you stop sex and start again, it will allow him to cool down for a few before getting going again,” explains Morse. Let him know you want to experiment with the slightest bit of kink by practicing the art of withholding. Use this time to just kiss without touching, give each other massages, or grab some fun toys to play with.
5. Teach Him a Thing or Two
You know Kegels can help you have stronger orgasms, and a new study found those exact same exercises could also help men. Seriously. So teach him how to do man-Kegels—it’s an easy, medication-free way to help him control his erection.